Love bombing can feel like genuine affection at first, but looking at pace, consistency, and respect for our boundaries can help us tell the difference. When someone shows us attention, warmth, or interest early on, it can feel very exciting and new! However, if that affection feels unusually intense or moves too fast, we may wonder: Is this love bombing?
Love bombing involves creating intense emotional closeness early on through praise, gifts, or constant attention with the goal of building a bond that can later be used to influence, pressure, or control the other person. Over time, this dynamic can become a form of psychological and emotional abuse.
There’s no perfect test for us to determine if it is genuine affection or love bombing, but a few patterns that can help us tell the difference.
1. Genuine affection respects our pace.
A healthy, real connection lets love grow at a comfortable speed for both people. You can say, “I’d like to take things slowly,” and the other person listens to that without guilting or pressuring you. In contrast, love bombing often skips ahead with fast declarations of love or talk of the future together right away before real trust or a mutual understanding have a chance to develop.
2. Genuine affection feels steady instead of all or nothing.
In healthy relationships, care shows up in small ways consistently, like checking in and listening. Love bombing can start out feeling magical and over the top, but the attention often drops off if we don’t keep up with the same level of intensity or if we set a boundary. We might go from feeling like we’re the most important person in their world to suddenly being ignored or criticized. That swing is a sign the affection may not be as genuine as it first seemed.
3. We feel supported, not controlled.
Our friendships, routines, and independence should continue to matter in our relationship without pressure to give them up. Love bombing can slowly narrow our social circle. We may experience constant check-ins, discouragement when we spend time with friends or family, immense jealousy, or subtle pressure to make the relationship our top priority without balance. Instead of feeling free to be ourselves, we may start to feel watched, managed, or obligated. Over time, what began as flattering attention can shift into control, which leads to less space for our needs and boundaries.
4. They handle conflict with care rather than punishment.
Disagreements are part of any relationship, but how they’re handled is important. Conflict with loved ones usually leads to listening, apologies, and consistent follow-through that rebuilds trust over time. With love bombing, conflict can set off a pattern. For example, instead of wanting to seek a resolution together, they may blame us or pull away. Additionally, they could give over-the-top promises that feel dramatic in the moment but don’t actually stick. After a fight, they might promise to never hurt us again or show up with big gestures (e.g., giant teddy bears or a bouquet of flowers), but the same issues keep coming back.
If you believe you’re being love bombed, one helpful step could be simply talking it out. That might mean opening up to someone you trust, if that feels possible. Or reach out to a therapist, friend, or support line like Thehotline.org. If you do not feel like anyone is in your corner right now, know that this can be a common outcome. Abuse and manipulation often isolate us from our usual support systems.
If you’re recovering from being love bombed, give yourself space to slow down and rebuild your sense of self at your own pace. Reconnect with friends, hobbies, or routines that remind you of who you are outside the relationship.
⚠️ Public Health Alert: Love bombing may lead to or exist within intimate partner violence (IPV). IPV is any pattern of harm from a current or former romantic or sexual partner that can include emotional, physical, sexual, financial, or psychological abuse. It doesn’t always look like bruises or yelling; sometimes it starts with control, guilt, or isolation. If any part of this feels familiar, please know you’re not alone. These experiences are more common than people realize. Globally, nearly 1 in 3 women have experienced physical or sexual violence in their lives from an intimate partner or non-partner. According to the CDC, in the U.S. about 41% of women and 26% of men experienced sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by a partner. Since IPV has serious effects on our health, safety, and well-being, it’s recognized as a global public health issue. The risks of IPV include injuries, chronic pain, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, etc. It also reaches beyond individuals by affecting our families, communities, workplaces, and future generations, which is why it is so important to recognize the early signs of an unhealthy dynamic.
Most importantly, this wasn’t your fault. What matters now is that you trust what you feel, take your time, and pay attention to the patterns. Healthy love doesn’t confuse you. It respects you.
*If you or anyone you know needs help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). Anonymous, confidential help is available 24/7.*
IPV/DV Helplines
US National Domestic Violence Hotline
