In order to support others, it’s important to understand your own emotional state. There are several ways to do this, like checking in with yourself.
When our friends and family struggle, we naturally want to step in and support them. However, sometimes life has a way of demanding more than we have to give. You might feel guilty for not being able to show up the way you think you should or worry that you’re letting someone down by not having the energy to be what they need at that moment. That guilt is understandable because you care.
Before offering support, take a moment to assess your own emotional state. Are you feeling grounded, or are you already overwhelmed? A body scan can help you notice any tension or heaviness. First, pause. Then, get comfortable and close your eyes while breathing a few deep breaths. Next, starting at the top of your body, ask yourself what sensations you feel in that part of your body. The physical sensations you feel can be clues to how you’re feeling emotionally. Mindfulness-based techniques (including body scans) have been shown to reduce stress levels and help alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression for many people who practice them consistently (e.g., starting with one minute), and while scientific methods are still evolving in how best to study these effects, current evidence suggests potential benefits and minimal risks. For practical tips on how to get started, this guide may help. However, body scans do not work for everyone. If you experience high anxiety or have experienced trauma, consider alternative approaches. For example, other mindfulness-based strategies, such as progressive muscle relaxation, mindful walking, or gentle breathwork can be a better fit.
Additionally, in 2021, researchers looked at 23 different studies involving 1,815 adults with diagnosed anxiety disorders to see how well mindfulness-based practices, like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), actually work. The results showed that these approaches might help reduce anxiety in the short term, especially when used alongside regular treatment. That said, the quality of the studies varied quite a bit, and there wasn’t strong evidence that these methods work better than more traditional approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). So while there’s promising potential, especially in the short term, scientists are still figuring out exactly when and how these practices are most helpful.
If pinpointing your emotions feels difficult, tools like the Feelings Wheel can help you put a name to them. Although interpretations of Dr. Matthew Lieberman’s work on affect labeling has appeared widely in popular media, the original research suggests multiple dimensions exist to how naming our emotions may support emotional regulation. Some studies show that labeling emotions can reduce their intensity. Other research indicates there may be a “sweet spot” where some affect labeling is beneficial, but too much or too little may not be helpful. In other words, putting a name to your emotions may help, but how and when you use this strategy matters.
The Feelings Wheel shows several categories and subcategories of different emotions. Start at the primary emotions (e.g., happiness, sadness, and anger) in the innermost circle of the wheel. Then, move outward to the secondary emotion to find a more nuanced understanding of your feelings in that category. Lastly, look at the tertiary emotions, the outmost layer, to identify the most specific emotion you can be experiencing.
Another helpful approach is asking yourself if a friend came to me feeling exactly how I feel right now, what would I tell them? Would I encourage them to rest, set boundaries, or seek support? Whatever advice you’d give them, consider taking it yourself. Supporting someone can be as simple as listening, validating their feelings, helping them find additional resources or even a small reminder that they’re not alone. Plus, sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is hold space for someone.
At the same time, setting boundaries is essential to preventing emotional burnout. Before stepping in, ask yourself: Can I show up for this person without depleting myself? If the answer is no, that doesn’t make you selfish; that makes you human. At the end of the day, supporting others starts with helping yourself. Taking care of your emotional health benefits you and allows you to be truly present when others need you. If you have the emotional space, offer what you can. And if you don’t, know that stepping back isn’t a failure—it’s an act of self-respect.
Further reading:
Healthline – The Benefits of Progressive Muscle Relaxation and How to do it
Positive Psychology – Mindful Walking & Walking Meditation: A Restorative Practice
Cleveland Clinic – Breathwork for Beginners: What to Know and How to Get Started
