Introducing Nerdy Guest Dr. Tova Walsh, PhD, MSW of UW-Madison School of Social Work. Dr. Walsh’s research focuses on improving health and wellbeing in families that are experiencing special stressors. Her work includes understanding the parenting support needs of new fathers and military-connected parents.
A: Short answer: Like everyone else, dads have been through a lot of changes and disruption over these last few months.
Some dads are spending more time at home with their kids, which is great for reconnecting, but also very challenging—especially those who are balancing working from home. Men, including dads, tend to have thinner social support systems and are less likely to ask for help when they are depressed or face other mental health challenges. And some dads are experiencing special challenges when it comes to seeing their kids and staying safe in the pandemic.
Here’s the long answer: many fathers are spending more time at home with their families thanks to closure of schools & daycares and work-from-home arrangements. A recent survey of parents in mixed-gender marriages shows that 45% of fathers of young children (under age 6) and 43% of fathers of older children (ages 6-17) report spending more time taking care of their children compared to before the pandemic. (Many mothers also reported that their partners were spending more time taking care of their children, but the percentages were markedly lower.)
Some fathers experience increased time spent with children during quarantine as a welcome change and opportunity to recalibrate, while others find it challenging to balance work and childcare, and find their patience tried by days on end at home with their kids. Many fathers experience both!
However, for some fathers, the pandemic heightens existing challenges for being with their kids.
Many healthcare providers and hospitals have implemented policies restricting visitors, and as a result many expectant fathers have been unable to accompany their partner to ultrasound and other prenatal care appointments—and in some cases have not even been allowed to be with their partner during labor and delivery. Some neonatologists and other scientists are very concerned about these policies and have raised questions about how this separation will affect fathers’ ability to bond with their newborn children, and whether it will have long-term consequences for parenting.
The pandemic also occurs against a backdrop of existing hurdles that many fathers already faced. Limited income and work opportunities, stigma from criminal records, and difficult co-parenting relationships were already hindrances on fathers’ involvement in the lives of their children, especially among fathers who don’t live with their children. The COVID-19 outbreak and resultant economic downturn compound these challenges. The pandemic also introduces new challenges, such as navigating custody and visitation under social distancing rules, and negotiating the legal system with family courts closed down.
Fathers (and men more generally) are at heightened risk for mental health challenges because of gendered expectations about seeking help, talking about emotions, and supportive relationships with friends. These social support disadvantages compound the extra stresses dads are facing right now, and underscore the importance of getting help to fathers experiencing mental health challenges.
The COVID-19 pandemic adds another wrinkle for Black fathers, especially, who navigate parenthood amidst persistent racial inequality and stereotypes. Research conducted by Waldo Johnson at the University of Chicago highlights the unique sources of stress borne by Black fathers as they strive to protect their families from both violence and the pandemic itself. To give one example, Dr. Johnson highlights that Black fathers face a pandemic dilemma: although masks are recommended as an essential public health strategy, young Black men wearing masks are often perceived as threatening or nefarious, so wearing one, or letting their sons wear one, could put them at greater risk of experiencing discrimination and even violent attack.
There are a number of resources related to parenting during the pandemic, but few that are specifically for fathers. Carolyn Dayton of Wayne State University and colleagues developed this list of Parenting Tips for Dads During the COVID-19 Crisis.
Tips include ways to keep kids busy, get some exercise, and check in with grandparents. There are also some terrific tips for how to talk to your kids about the pandemic itself:
“Kids have lots of questions during stressful times. When they don’t get information from their parents, they often turn to their peers or the web instead. Young children tend to make up their own stories in their heads about what’s going on – and they might not even tell you what those stories are. In each case the information kids rely on is often misleading or downright wrong! Make sure that YOU are the source of their information!”
In fact, {CAUTION: SHAMELESS PLUG AHEAD} one of the Dear Pandemic contributors wrote a book about COVID-19 that is meant to help you dig into this conversation. It’s available for free as an e-book in English and Spanish. (You just need to sign up for the publisher’s email list to download. Great last-minute gift idea!)
We hope this helps dads get the conversation started with their kids on this very special day. Happy Father’s Day!
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Further reading:
The Conversation offers practical advice on separated parents and sharing custody in the pandemic from a family law scholar.
Full story from WTTW interviewing Waldo Johnson on Black fathers in the pandemic.
Opinion by Dr. John Izzo in The Men’s Initiative about the ways in which men are more at risk for mental health challenges, highlighting that men … “are often less able to talk about emotional challenges, … have fewer intimate friendships, weaker social support systems, and are much less likely to ask for help when they need it, especially on matters of mental health.”
In this Washington Post article, five Black fathers share their thoughts and experiences as they guide their children through this moment and look to the future.
The Center for Policy Research is preparing a series of issue briefs on COVID-19 and child support, to help child support agencies manage the economic fallout and respond to the pressing needs of parents.
The National Center for Fathering has general resources for fathers as well as resources specifically on fathering during COVID-19, including how to make the most of increased time together while social distancing, suggested activities for fathers and kids, and tips for coping when kids test your patience.
The Rebalanced-Life Wellness Association hosts a weekly online support group for Black men to address the challenges and stresses they face and learn research-based tools for managing their health throughout and beyond the COVID-19 pandemic. Last week, facilitators Aaron Perry (Rebalanced-Life Wellness Association), Alvin Thomas (University of Wisconsin-Madison), and Logan Edwards (University of Wisconsin-Madison) were joined by guest Derek Phillips (Real Dads Network) for a focus on fatherhood and emotional wellbeing. Video of the discussion is available here.
